Ramblings about faith.

Yep.  I was married in a Roman Catholic church and I didn’t even get hit by lightning.  Cool. I have a funny relationship with God.  I am willing to believe he exists, but the methods presented in order to learn about him are flawed.  The simple fact that I refer to God as a he is engrained by the teachings of the Roman Catholic church.  They teach us that Jesus was a white man with long straight blonde or brown hair.  I won’t get into a debate over this here, but suffice to say I have my doubts. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_and_appearance_of_Jesus All…

My right to pursue happiness.

Raise your hand if you were her husband.  Ok, then don’t tell me how to feel or what to do. I’ve been annoyed about this for a while now, though not specifically annoyed at anyone.  A lot of this is likely my own imagination, but it is there all the same.  Some of it isn’t my imagination, and I am sure some of it hasn’t been said but thought.  So let me clear the air. I feel like I am entitled to do what I want.  I feel I earned that right. But there is this unspoken feeling that my…

A work in progress: Living with grief.

I refuse to fully open my eyes until I get a damn cup of coffee. Aside from needing to shave, I don’t look all that unusual in this picture.  This is a picture of me from earlier in the week.  I am trying to see if I can smile without it looking weird to myself.  On this day, I couldn’t even manage to fake it.  All I was able to accomplish was smirk a bit. My eyes look sleepy because I only got about six hours of sleep.  I seem to need less sleep lately but it is starting to…

The Face of Perseverance

The face of the toughest person I ever met and her nieces.   Warning: nieces like to climb on and beat up Uncle John You wouldn’t know it from this picture except for the oxygen tube visible, but Felecci was gravely ill in this picture.  I don’t remember exactly when this picture was taken but it was within the last 2 years of her life.  In this picture, she needed a wheelchair to get more than 15 feet.  We had chairs arranged throughout the house so she could rest between rooms.  She needed 2 liters of oxygen just to keep her…

Both my wife and best friend.

Yea, I’m a dork.  But I was her dork. Not everyone has a great marriage.  Some of the folks I have has the immense honor to speak with have had issues that are heartbreaking.  Tales of substance abuse and other forms of abuse break my heart, and I wish I could do more than use my writing and humor to help these poor folks heal.  I wouldn’t presume to talk about things I haven’t experienced and pass it off like I have a fucking clue.  But I wanted to show love for those who have to deal with so much…

Free will, it is a bitch.

Free will, it is a bitch.  (The Devil’s Advocate) So what is supposed to happen when you are generally a good person, work hard, and marry a great person?  Not what you see here.  This is Felecci being given extra stem cells from her sister when the remission was in doubt.  Roughly 6 years later, she would be dead at 39. People getting sick and dying is what happens on TV dramas to other people; that can’t possibly happen to me.  I eat healthy and I work out (now anyway, don’t look at me in that tone of voice).  I…

The hardest thing I have ever done.

Before talking about the worst day of my life, I want to show you a picture from the best day of my life so far.  On October 29th, 2005 I married Felecci.  If you can’t tell us apart, she is the cute one. We met in college, and we were that couple that were always snuggling together on the couches between classes.  When you are nineteen and acing all of your classes and you have a beautiful woman who for some reason seems interested in your nerdy ass, you tend to be an optimist – even if the struggle is…